We have a motto in my family: If you find yourself with an opportunity to be kind, just be kind.
If that sounds simple, it’s because it is. Kindness, as with many other virtues, is an easy enough thing to offer so long as you possess the self-control to restrain your very human propensity for selfishness and self-righteousness. In fact, the biggest obstacle to kindness is typically the notorious Me Monster.
We live in a world constantly trying to sell us the lie that “it’s all about you.” If you aren’t happy in your marriage, leave! Not satisfied with your job? Bail! Feel offended by someone else’s joke, political position, religion, or words of any sort? Cancel them. Harass them in public. Send letters to their employers. Drag them on social media. Do everything in your power to silence them. After all, your feelings are more important than their right to…I don’t know, live? Speak? Be themselves?
I know. I KNOW. But Jeff, they’re awful. Bigots. Racists. Homophones. Or phobes. I suppose we can all agree that there’s nothing wrong with homophones. Then, on the other side of the aisle, they say, “But, Jeff…they’re woke! SJWs! Groomers!”
Here’s the thing: we all have legitimate gripes with people who may not share the values that matter to us. We may even consider certain points of view to be immoral. Personally, I find many things the political left AND the political right values to be immoral from my perspective. No one really speaks for me. We’ve grown so accustomed to a two-party, “us v. them” framework that we’ve forgotten how to put kindness and, dare I say, compassion first.
If your argument is that you aren’t being selfish…that you’re fighting for the minority and the vulnerable…fine. But I’d wager that, in most cases, that’s merely a convenient detail. I suspect you stand where you stand less because of what you believe to be true and more because it pits you against the folks you already don’t like. When I see the political right trying to “own the Libs” or the political left comparing their opponents to Nazis, it’s fairly clear that tribalism is at the core of your approach and not a well-reasoned opinion.
Opinion. That’s a word we shy away from, right? It isn’t an opinion that they are fascists, Jeff. They are LITERALLY fascists! It’s not my opinion that they’re trying to groom our kids and corrupt their minds with their woke agenda. It’s the truth! No. It’s “your truth” and that’s no kind of truth at all. Your emotions, as valid as they may be, don’t get to win the argument. Both sides point to “evidence” and, shockingly, said evidence could be read any number of ways. But my way of reading it is the correct one, Jeff! Sure, it is, friend. Sure it is. Or…it’s just your opinion. You’re entitled to it, of course. We all are. But it’s not the same as fact. Facts can be proven. To everyone. Facts can only be disputed by the lunatic fringe, not by HALF THE COUNTRY.
Kindness matter because, no matter how far apart our political and moral poles may be from one another’s, we have to share this country, this continent, and this planet. You can morally disagree with a racist. I certainly do. But he still gets to vote. You can politically disagree with something in the Democratic platform. I find a number of things in both parties’ platforms that I flat-out abhor. But all those people I disagree with still have a say. They still get a vote. They will still be seated near me at church, or a restaurant, a town hall meeting, or a Meet-the-Teacher night. We will never, EVER escape one another. And, because we all share the space, we all get to have a say.
If every interaction becomes an attack/defense scenario, we are robbing ourselves of day-to-day opportunities for joy as well as actively shaping our world into a battle zone. And that person you think is a lunatic or a devil is never going to be swayed by your insults and contempt. Not ever. You stand a much better chance of having an impact on their values by letting kindness break through our man-made ideological walls like a wrecking ball, and seeing that “enemy” of yours as another human being with their own thoughts, feelings, and desires. They’ve mourned. They’ve celebrated. They’ve read some of the books you love. They’ve laughed at some of the same jokes. Maybe loved some of the same people. They aren’t the enemy. They’re a neighbor. Sarcasm and insults can feel exhilarating, but what does that say about us?
I know you think you’re saving the world. And that’s a heady drug. But you aren’t. You don’t make a difference with hate. With vitriol. With venom. You never will. You make a difference with love. With kindness. With compassion. With grace. With mercy. With understanding that your neighbor may have different values that they arrived at through their own life experience and understanding of the world which, by the way, is every bit as valid as yours. Maybe we need opposition to keep us from taking things too far, too fast. To temper our passion. To keep us from ruining the world with our attempts to fix it.
I’m not the best at loving my neighbor. I get as frustrated as the next person. But I’ve also seen enough of life to know that sometimes that “villain” that ruined my day is just someone mourning a loved one and their filter isn’t functioning. Or someone going through a divorce. Or someone who got fired from their job and are worried about how they’re going to pay the bills. We all have days where life is just too much and we aren’t at our best. I don’t know about you, friend, but I’d rather not have my character judged by those days. So, I try to extend the benefit of the doubt. To be merciful when I want to fight. To offer compassion instead of criticism. Or kindness instead of self-righteousness.
You’ll never save the world through an argument. You’ll never win everyone over to your way of thinking. But you might win over the people within your sphere of influence if you let kindness, and not proving yourself “right”, guide your actions.
Tomorrow, if presented with an opportunity to be kind, just be kind. The world will be a better place for your effort.
