Just days before the 2024 US Presidential Election, a close friend of mine found herself blindsided by a text message from someone she had considered a trusted confidant for many years. The message wasn’t a casual check-in or a wish for good luck—it was a demand. Her so-called friend wanted to know who she was voting for, adding, in no uncertain terms, that it was necessary because “I need to know who my friends are.” The implication was clear: a decade or more of shared memories, compassion, and mutual support no longer mattered. The foundation of their friendship was suddenly conditional—dependent on a political choice.
When she shared this with a small circle of us, looking for advice, my response was blunt: an actual friend would never send a message like that. True friendship isn’t about litmus tests or demanding proof of loyalty. After years of shared trust, the evidence of their bond should have been more than enough. Instead, this text was a reminder that some people value ideology over relationships, no matter the history.
Politics has turned us into tribal savages. Brutes without honor, putting the cudgel to anyone not in lockstep with our way of thinking. Gone are the days of “agree to disagree” or “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” We want blood. We won’t be happy until we’ve crushed our enemies underfoot.
Gee, aren’t we swell?
I’ve long held that I don’t fit well with either of our political parties. In fact, I’ve got a history of voting third party whenever that option is available and more closely aligns with my ideals. Thus, folks to my right and to my left politically simply lump me in with those they voted against. It doesn’t matter to them I take my right to vote seriously. That I research platforms. That I find no one with a “D” or “R” behind their name that truly speaks for me and what I want for my country.
“If you didn’t vote for Biden, you gave your vote to Trump and his fascists,” I heard in 2020.
“Not voting Trump got us Crooked Joe,” others said.
But the people who said those sorts of things weren’t my friends. That’s not how friends behave.
On Instagram, some lefties on Bookstagram put together a list of suspected Trump voters in the writing community. As with most witch hunts, there was no real proof of the accusations beyond the typical cultish nonsense of “didn’t speak out against Trump” or “never posted about Kamala.” It’s a rebranded McCarthyism, seeking to “other” anyone who isn’t towing the party line. It’s sickening. And it didn’t surprise me in the least.
On X, righties are celebrating and bathing in “leftist tears” with no consideration given to the effects of driving that wedge deeper into our nation’s heart. The frustration and disappointment they’ve felt for the last four years is coming out as venom. Although, perhaps salt is the better metaphor. And they certainly are rubbing it in.
Cults always try to separate you from your family. Don’t let the cult of politics do the same to you.
I can already guess what you’re thinking. No need for telepathy; I’ve heard it before: “You can’t ‘both sides’ this thing, Jeff!” But actually, I can. When I examine the left and the right, I see the same pattern: extremists and radical ideologues dominating the conversation, drowning out anyone who dares to think differently. Neither side seems willing to listen or understand where the other is coming from. Instead of seeking common ground, they keep pulling further apart, making compromise—something crucial in a country as diverse as the United States—feel impossible.
While Republicans and Democrats may appear vastly different on the surface, especially when discussing hot-button cultural issues, a closer examination reveals significant similarities in their core priorities. Both parties are deeply influenced by corporate interests, preserve the political and economic status quo, focus on identity politics as a distraction from systemic issues, and work to maintain a two-party system that limits voter choice. As a result, they often function as two sides of the same coin, promoting policies that serve the interests of the political and economic elite rather than addressing the root causes of the nation’s most pressing problems.
And you’re playing right into their hands when you let them convince you that your enemy is your neighbor or uncle or the server at your local pub. They bait the hook with words they know will prompt a visceral reaction:
- Racist
- Marxist
- Transphobe
- Elitist
- Fascist
- Woke
- Groomer
- Anti-Choice
- Climate Denier
But these words are spells cast upon a frenzied public. Donald Trump, a deeply flawed man whom I find morally repugnant, isn’t the fascist Hitler-wannabe the Left tries to make him out to be. Wanting to protect the underprivileged doesn’t make one a Marxist any more than being gay makes someone a groomer. Wanting to protect minors from unnecessary drug cocktails and surgeries doesn’t make someone a transphobe, as many folks who stand there have no issues with adults making those sorts of decisions for themselves.
The problem, of course, is that you’ll never understand those sorts of nuances if you simply slap a label on someone and decide they’re your enemy. “They are for me or against me,” they’ve taught you to say. But that isn’t true. They can be for you AND against you.
As a parent, I am for my children. I love them and want the best life offers them. But there are times I say “no.” Sometimes, because I love them deeply, I plant my feet in opposition to what they want for themselves. Usually, it’s because I see things they lack the knowledge (or “life XP” as we say around my house) to understand the potential consequences of.
Conservative, most of the folks to your left aren’t trying to kill babies for the fun of it. They have concerns about letting the government have “control” over their bodies. Liberal, most of the folks on the right aren’t trying to take away your autonomy. They aim to protect a human life with great potential. Republicans, stop saying you’re pro-life if you aren’t willing to promote initiatives to support unwed mothers and make fathers financially responsible during pregnancy. Democrats, stop pretending that most abortions happen because of risks to the mother’s health or because of rape or incest. Those cases represent the tiniest fraction of abortions and abortion isn’t birth control.
If you discussed these things with an eye toward common ground, maybe you could reach a consensus. The same goes for trans issues and so many others. But if we shut out all the other voices, if we only listen to those we already agree with and treat opposing opinions as warfare, we’ll be alienating the very people we share the country with. And they aren’t going anywhere.
There’s only so far you can take this non-stop aggression, folks. Only so many people you can push out of your life without damaging this noble experiment we call home. And your mistake—if you’ll allow me to be so bold—is in assuming you can shut them all out. You can’t. Conservatives aren’t a monolith. Liberals aren’t either. Many people who voted for Trump in this election voted for Biden in 2020 and Clinton in 2016. There were folks who voted for Kamala Harris this election who were once Reagan Republicans.
People change. They grow. People have complex thoughts about some issues and gut reactions to others. We’ve got to stop thinking of each other as opposing teams…because we aren’t. We’re on the same team and we need to learn how to play ball together… or we all lose.
Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and people like Derek are all over social media.
Derek bought into the “if you’re not for me, you’re against me” lie that permeates our 24-hour news cycle. It doesn’t matter that his father raised him to be a free-thinking adult. His sister’s love means less than nothing if she voted for “fascism” … which I strongly suspect Derek cannot even properly define. Don’t be a Derek. Don’t imprison yourself in the cell of fear that both parties want to keep you in. Cults always try to separate you from your family. Don’t let the cult of politics do the same to you.
Now a word of warning to my friends on the right. You should remember that the pendulum is always, ALWAYS swinging. It swung your way this time. Maybe because of inflation. Perhaps because it had swung too far left with Biden…into a “woke” spiral that the average American rejected. Maybe it was all those things and more. But this win won’t last. And if you push too far, the pendulum with swing back harder than you can imagine in the other direction. Don’t “other” those who might be in charge next.
In a world that increasingly demands we choose sides and treat those with differing views as enemies, it’s all-too-easy to lose sight of a crucial truth: genuine care and disagreement can coexist. We can hold opposing viewpoints without being adversaries. It’s time to move beyond the simplistic mindset of “for or against” and embrace the complexities of human relationships. Only then can we begin to truly understand one another, find common ground even in our differences, and foster a society where healthy, constructive dialogue is possible.
Your choice in this matters just as much as your vote.
